Dear stomach virus,
I am writing to inform you that your presence in my home is not wanted and you are promptly asked to exit the premises. The fact that you have visited my family twice in the last four months is inexcusable. I normally try to be hospitable to any and all house guests that we have, but such is not the case with you. In fact, I would like you to never come back. While I know that the likelihood of that happening is slim to none, I'm just putting it out there. At least give us a year or more between visits! I have watched my helpless, sick, scared child throw up to rid his little body of your nastiness. It's a horrible image and experience for a parent and I want you to know that I despise you for making us go through this. That is all.
And while you're exiting our home, if you could keep both Collin and I from coming down with the virus that causes your vile symptoms, we would appreciate it greatly. It's a small thing to ask considering how much you've put us through over the course of the recent months.